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A guide for the upcoming Copa Libertadores final between Santos and Palmeiras

Hey fellas, as some of you may know, January 30th will see two Brazilian sides deciding the next Libertadores in a single game at nothing less than the legendary Maracanã Stadium.
Given that most of the sub doesn’t really follow South American football but are probably interested in such a hyped match, I thought it’d be nice to write up a little guide on the history of both teams in the competition, how and why they got to the final this year, and what players could tip the balance on such a big stage. This first part ended up way longer than I expected, so I guess it’s better to make this into a 2-part post. I’ll post the rest sometime this next week. Sorry about my poor English sometimes!
Santos in Libertadores - We could have more
Considering the power and fame of the 1960s Santos squad, one could expect them to have lifted continental glory more than twice in that period. After steamrolling two back-to-back Libertadores, in 1962 and 1963, the team of Pelé, Vavá, Coutinho, Mengálvio and others didn’t win another cup until 2011, with a 20-year old Neymar as their brightest star. In 1964, Pelé was injured against the Argentinian Independiente. In 1965, an upsetting defeat in 3 matches against the losing side in 1962, Peñarol, with Pelé on the pitch this time. Worth noticing that in 62 and 63 Santos also won the Club World Cup, against European champions Benfica and Milan.
1962 Santos: State, country, continent and world champions.
For some years after 1965, the Brazilian presence in Libertadores was an on-and-off thing, because the country’s federation decided it would be more economically appealling to tour Europe than to play the defunded continental competition. So in 3 years (1966, 1969-70) there were no representatives from Brazil and in one year (1967) Santos declined to play, because the traveling would jeopardize their performance in the national league. So one could say Santos’ 1960s golden generation, which is to many the best team of the world in that decade, didn’t have a continental performance to match their 6 domestic titles and all the deserved international praise it used to get.
After almost going all the way in 2003, but losing to a teenage Carlitos Tevez and his Boca Juniors in the finals, the Santos 2011 Libertadores run was nothing short of amazing. Passing a shaky group stage, the young team led by Neymar and Paulo Henrique Ganso showed mental fortitude to knockout the Mexican America, the Colombian Once Caldas and the Paraguayan Cerro Porteño before facing, once again, Peñarol. In all stages prior to the finals, Santos had drawed one leg and won the other one. The pattern repeated itself, as after a 0-0 in Uruguay, the Brazilian club triumphed with a 2-1 in São Paulo to become South American champions once again, 48 years later.
This dude was already rocking South America with 19 years old.
Palmeiras in Libertadores - Oh boy, here we go again
Palmeiras is a domestic kraken. No other team has won as many national titles as the Italian descendants in green. They have 10 in total, plus 4 other runner-up campaigns. The second on that list, with 8 titles? You guessed, it, Santos.
It’s common place to say that in Brazil, the national league always has at least 10 real contenders. In recent years, this has been changing with a few short dinasties popping up here and there, but througout the 20th century, each team of the “Big Twelve” has had their time to shine. Except from the late 50s to the early 70s. During this period, Palmeiras and Santos staged a two-club dinasty that saw one of them either as champion or runner up in of 15 out of 17 competitions between 1959 and 1972. The influence of these two squads was so great that, some years after this complete dominance of both teams, the Palmeiras-Santos derby was appropriately coined "The Derby of Nostalgia".
Pelé x Ademir da Guia - my grandpa says they were pretty good, and he knows a lot about football.
Palmeiras’ squad from the 60s, with the legendary Ademir da Guia at their helm, found much success in the earliest forms of the Brazilian national league, but disappointed when crossing the border. No Libertadores glory from that era, with runner-up runs in 1961, in a tight 1-0 loss against, you called it, Peñarol; and in 1968, when not even the 11 cup goals by Tupãzinho helped them - a 2-0 defeat in the third match against the Argentinian Estudiantes de La Plata.
But unlike Santos, which had many lost decades after their golden one, only resurfacing to relevance in the last 20 years, Palmeiras was a bit more constant. After a dark 1980s, they returned to proeminence in the 90s with several great squads, mostly due to a very lucrative partnership with Parmalat. Edmundo, Evair, Alex, Oséas, Zinho, Djalminha, Paulo Nunes, César Sampaio, Júnior Baiano - year in, year out, some of the best players in the continent were seen in green. They went all the way in 93 and 94, stopping short in knockout upsets in other years. But in the hall of Libertadores champions of the 90s, you’d see many Brazilian clubs - São Paulo, Grêmio, Cruzeiro, Vasco - but not Palmeiras. They just didn’t have the mindset to win the continent? Bad luck? Pressure?
It changed in 1999, under the command of Luis Felipe Scolari. After winning the domestic cup in 1998, Palmeiras qualified for Libertadores. At the time, the rules were to stack teams from the same country together - so Palmeiras had to face Brazilian champions and fierce rivals Corinthians, as well as Paraguayans Cerro Porteño and Olímpia. After winning the derby in the opening round and a assuring 5-2 triumph against Cerro, three bad games brought suspicion among the ranks - 4-2 defeat against Olimpia, 1-1 against the weak Cerro and a 2-1 defeat against Corinthians. In the last group stage game, a tight 2-1 win against Olimpia and Palmeiras was through.
Ask any Brazilian 90s kid what was the best team of the decade and the answer will be a prompt \"THE PARMALAT PALMEIRAS\" 90% of the time - the other 10% will probably be Corinthians supporters.
In the Round of 16, facing reigning Libertadores champions Vasco da Gama, an easy 4-2 win in the second leg. Then Corinthians again, this time in the quarterfinals. In the first leg, even though the final score marked 2-0 for Palmeiras, the goalkeeper Marcos was undoubtedly the man of the match, with a memorable performance. He had been filling for Palmeiras icon Velloso, who injured himself back in the group stage. In the second leg, Corinthians returned the 2-0, but Marcos once again was heroic, defending a penalty kick by Vampeta and carrying Palmeiras through the semifinals, against River Plate. After losing in Argentina, a 3-0 win in São Paulo with a great performance by a 21-year old Alex. After 31 years, Palmeiras was playing a Libertadores finals, against the Colombian Deportivo Cali. Palmeiras lost the first leg 1-0 again, and won the second 2-1, taking the match to another penalty shootout. With two misses by the Colombian side, Palmeiras was continental champion for the first time in its history.
A historic duel
HYPED UP AS FVCK.
This is a derby that has been played since 1916. Given the historical importance of both clubs in the Brazilian football history, I’m very excited for this match. Both teams flew under the radar of the bloodthirsty Brazilian sports press for the most part of the year (more on this on the next post), but after the semifinals they both seem like good picks for a betting man. From a historical standpoint, Santos is trying to cement their past 20 years of relative national and international success and show everyone they are not a club made of past glories - they often get picked on for not being from the city of São Paulo and not having a big fanbase as their rivals. They’re usually quoted as “every Brazilian’s second team”, a lovable, harmless club to cheer for if yours isn’t playing. Palmeiras, on the other hand, needs to start winning South America and build on their already colossal domestic legacy. And, who knows, maybe end once and for all the general banter in Brazil, that they don’t have a Club World Cup!
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PSG - This Is England 2019

The plan is simple: Replace all of PSG’s pampered and overpaid squad with some English grit and determination. Who needs the likes of Neymar & Mbappe when you could have Andros Townsend & Jonjo Shelvey? Thiago Silva? Run that name through google translate and you get Phil Jones. And who could forget free transfer Daniel Sturridge? Cavani will be the first out the door when Sturridge signs.
All I need to do is avoid getting sacked. So I need to balance by pursuit of the entire England team with good results on the field. And eventually I will need to somehow sell Neymar & Mbappe without incurring the wrath of the fans and/or board.
First Summer transfer window.
IN
OUT
So, that’s half my pre-season friendlies sorted for next year.
Easily won the Trophee des Champions 3-0 vs Rennes. 2 Marquinhos goals and an OG.
Leading into the new season, I told Marquinhos that I was going to replace him as Vice Captain. He was fine with it. I picked Jordan Henderson as my new Vice Captain. Thiago Silva is still the main man... for now.
There are rumblings of a possible takeover. Could I be sacked before England FC has the chance to win the French League?
The bookies have me at evens to win the league. EVENS? If I could I’d bet the entire transfer budget on that. Evens? I’m PSG with Jack Wilshere. I’m basically unstoppable.
3 days before the opening league fixture, Jack Wilshere tore his ankle ligaments in training. I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.
Good thing I didn’t make that bet. With Jack out I’ll have to rely on the likes of (check’s squad list) Neymar for creativity.
Won the opening game of the season 2-0 against Strasborg. This included Ben Chilwell scoring a screamer into the top corner from 25 yards and a Neymar tap in. Jude Bellingham also became PSG's youngest ever player as he started in midfield.
I forgot to mention that I am also hiring lots of English staff members. Terry Butcher is managing my reserves. Paul Ince, Teddy Sheringham, James Beattie and Tony Adams are coaching my youth team. Les Reed is my director of football. David Platt is coaching the first team. I’ve also got English physios and fitness staff, but I can’t be arsed to look up their names.
2-0 again in the next game, this time away to Marseille. For the 2nd game running Ben Chilwell scored, followed by a tidy finish from Jordan Henderson.
I'm currently playing with a half English team in the outfield. Fullbacks, CM, AM and Striker are all English. The wingers, centre backs, 1 CM and keeper are all non-English. Daniel Sturridge sits on the bench… brooding.
1-0 next up against Montpellier. Chilly Willy's run of scoring came to an end as Neymar bagged the only goal of the game. On the downside Mbappe pulled his ankle ligaments and will be out for a couple of weeks.
More rumblings of a take over. The PSG owner rubbishes these rumours. Looks like he’s behind England Rangers and their plans to restart the 100 years war.
4-1 win away to AS Saint-Etienne. A hat trick for Neymar along with Mason Greenwood's first goal for the club helped to mask the pain of finally conceding for the first time this season. Keylor Navas really shat the bed trying to pass out from the back. I can’t help but think that Jordan Pickford would have kept the sheets clean.
UCL Group drawn. The Media describe my group as “Tough” as I am drawn against Valencia, Napoli and RB Leipzig.
I don’t include Herrera or Munier in my UCL squad and they are both unhappy. I tell them to shut up and drop both into the reserves. Neither apologises and both are sulking. Luckily nobody in the squad likes them so nobody cares.
One of my young midfielders breaks his back whilst lifting weights. I think Jack Wilshere was giving him pointers.
Jordan Henderson scores his first ever international goal in his 53rd cap. I can’t help but feel that is entirely down to my coaching.
Jack Wilshere is back in light training.
Verratti, Neymar & Mbappe score in a 3-0 demolition of Toulouse. Henderson bags an assist. Daniel Sturridge still can’t open his account for PSG.
First UCL game is next up. Valencia at home. Verratti and Neymar are both suspended. I seem to remember this being to do with their reactions to losing in the knock out stages to Man U in the previous season, following that ridiculous penalty decision given against… Kimpembe? I refuse to look it up to verify. That’s the past. This is the present. Neymar is replaced by Angel Gomes for his debut. That’s easy enough. However, the lack of Verratti and with Herrera rotting away in the reserves, I may be forced to play Wilshere before he’s fully fit… but since he’s never ever ever been fully fit, this seems like the right thing to do!
Boom! We smash Valencia 2-0. Wilshere setting up Greenwood with a defence splitting through pass, and Tavernier crossing to the edge of the box for Henderson to drill home. Wilshere had to be subbed off at half time since he’s Jack Wilshere. Still. 1 game. 1 assist. I am fully justified in signing him.
Big game up next vs Lyon. 1st vs 2nd. For a game like this I need my top players. Wilshere is getting his league debut. Verratti will have to be happy with a spot on the bench.
Oh. Kehrer is set to play against me for the first time since I sold him. Apparently there is “no love lost” between us. I’d honestly forgot I sold him to Lyon. I tell the media that his was a shitbag and nobody liked him here.
A superb come from behind victory for The Englishmen! After trailing to an early penalty conceded by Silva, we turned things around to win 2-1 with goals from Mbappe and Marquinos, assisted by Maddison and Chilwell. Wilshere once again managed 45 mins of football. And that shitbag Kehrer didn’t even play.
Damn. Marquinhos is suspended for a game after 3 bookings in his last 10 matches. I didn’t know that was how the French League did things. Interesting.
Chuopo-Moting dislocated his jaw in training. I can only assume that Jack Wilshere was trying to teach him how to eat a Cornish Pasty in one go.
Holy crap. I almost lost to Metz! 2-0 down going into the final quarter of the match. Needed a 91st minute equaliser from Neymar to avoid defeat. Still, unbeaten so far. I really need some English grit to toughen my central defence. Silva is good and all, but he’s no John Stones.
Before every single game: Jack Wilshere may struggle to see out the match.
I know. He’s Jack Wilshere.
We beat Angers 3-1 with Tavernier (pen) and Angel Gomes both bagging their first goals for the club. Neymar gets the 3rd off the bench. Gomes gets the MOTM award to go with the goal.
Napoli away next. Wilshere set to start his 5th game in a row for probably the first time in his whole career. Neymar is still suspended, so Gomes will be able to build on his man of the match performance with another start.
The board have announced that they have decreased the percentage of transfer revenue available to be retained from player sales to 75%. What the fuck? I’M PSG!!! I want 200% of all sales to go back into the transfer kitty.
We beat Napoli 2-0 with goals from Greenwood and Marquinhos. Greenwood set up Marquinhos by heading a corner back across goal to him, whilst Wilshere set up Greenwood with another great defence splitting through pass, just like the Valencia game. Wilshere lasted 63 mins this game, having been subbed off at half time of every previous game. Still, those 63 mins were enough to win him the MOTM award. Go Jack!
Side quest unlocked: Somehow get Jack Wilshere back into the England squad.
Wilshere is grateful for my faith in him. Aw, Jackie. I love you too, boo.
The Montpellier manager says that PSG are amongst the favourites to qualify for continental football this season. No shit Sherlock.
Wilshere didn’t make the latest England squad. No worry Jack. Next time it’s a friendly I’ll pull Madison and Henderson from the squad. Then maybe you will make it? Or plan B, wait for Southgate to get fired then apply for the job.
Gomes keeps his place in the team, meaning that Neymar is on the bench for the 2nd league game in a row. We beat Amiens 2-0 away, with goals from Henderson and Mbappe. Wilshere picked up a booking before being subbed off . Still, no injury. That rejuvenating Parisian tap water is doing wonders for the boy!
International break. I give Wilshere a week off. I’m worried that if he trains his knees may fall off. Meanwhile, Maddison gets his first international goal.
More takeover rumours. I guess Wilshere is interesting possible investors.
The week’s rest did the trick! This is the first game he’s started where I haven’t been told that Wilshere “may struggle to see out the match”. My medical staff are certainly earning their wages.
Wilshere lasted the full match as an 87th minute James Tavernier penalty scraped us a 1-0 win at home to Nantes. That’s 10 in a row unbeaten in the league, with 28 points from a possible 30. Frank Lampard was spotted at the game. Apparently he is interested in signing Marquinhos. This could be a good way for me to sign Fikayo Tomori and/or Reece James. Watch this space…
Next up: RB Leipzig away.
Tavernier and Mbappe have developed a solid green link down the right side. This was unexpected. As was the result. RB Leipzig 4-6 PSG! A hat trick for Mbappe, 2 for Greenwood and 1 for Neymar. The defence was an absolute shambles this game. Luckily the attack bailed them out. I really need a couple of Englishmen to replace those 2 Brazilians in the centre of defence.
HOLY CRAP. Gareth Southgate was spotted at Red Bull Arena, casting an eye over basically half my team for the upcoming internationals. Jack Wilshere’s name is included among the players he was watching. GO JACK!
Next up we beat Lille 3-2 away. Take a quick 2-0 lead through Neymar and a Tavernier penalty. Switch off and it’s 2-2 at half time. Spend the entire second half throwing everything at them and finally in the 87th minute Tavernier pops up at the back post to tap in the winner. 2 goals for my right back. Not too shabby.
Side quest unlocked: Get James Tavernier his first England cap. This might be too difficult. Ahead of him he has Trent, Walker, Wan-Bissaka, Trippier & James. Heck, Tavernier never even got any youth caps for England. Still, if he keeps on playing as well as he does then even Gareth “I only pick players on form but actually fuck that let’s keep playing Pickford and Maguire even though they are having the worst seasons of their professional careers IRL” Southgate can’t ignore him forever.
Keylor Navas is injured. For absolutely no reason I set about signing 32 year old (and 1 time England U21 international) Ben Alnwick on a free.
PSG gain another sponsor. This is a 1 season deal worth £29m with a “European telecommunications company”. Totally not a FFP get around. Not at all.
I ask the board for more transfer funds. They say no. I whine like a little bitch. They give me £75m. Nice!
With the new funds available, Director of Football Les Reed recommends Sadio Mane as our top transfer target. Fuck that. I’m buying John Stones!
I have completely fucked up with a rookie mistake. With Navas injured, I forgot to stop Rico playing for the reserves. Now I’m about to play Brest (snigger) at home and both my keepers can’t play. With the Alnwick transfer yet to be completed, it looks like I’m going to have to rely on a 20 year old Pole called Marcin Bulka.
Relegation zone Brest manage to put 2 past him, but my attack get 3 to scrape a 3-2 win. Well, I say attack. Maddison, Sarabia and Tavenier (another penalty) get the goals. Mbappe and Wilshere (nooooooooo) pick up injuries in the game. Mbappe will miss 4-6 weeks with a twisted ankle, whilst Wilshere will miss just a few days with a bruised thigh. This does mean he will miss the RB Leipzig return fixture in midweek.
Ben Alnwick joins the club. I tell the press that he will be a massive boost to the entire squad. I quickly arrange a midweek friendly for the reserves so that he can get some game time before the weekend fixture in the league. I move every keeper (5?!) from the reserves into the first team to make sure that Terry Butcher has to play Alnwick. I’ll have to play Rico in the UCL, since I can’t register Ben… yet.
At home against Red Bull Leipzig we cruise to a 4-2 victory. A brace from Neymar, another open play goal for Tavernier, along with a goal for Greenwood wrap things up. I’m still concerned by my centre backs though. They need some English heart replace the Brazilian skill.
That win qualifies us from the group. So some players get bonuses paid. Including Alfonse Areola (snigger) who is on loan at Real Madrid. You still have to pay bonuses to players who aren't at the club?
DAMN YOU GARETH SOUTHGATE. He calls up Chilwell, Henderson and Maddison. Poor Jack and Jim. They feel so unloved.
Alnwick keeps a clean sheet for the reserves. That’s enough for me. 2 training sessions and 1 reserves game since the end of the previous season is enough to earn him a start at the weekend against 5th placed Nice.
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. I forgot to put the reserve keepers back in the reserves squad, so Ben Alnwick played for the reserves today. Now he can’t play against Nice. I’ll have to play Johnny Rico (totally setting that as his nickname now) again. On the plus side at least Wilshere is back.
We absolutely smash Nice 3-0 away. An OG, another Tavernier penalty and a Verratti goal. Wilshere lasts the 90 and bags a MOTM award for his troubles.
I send Henderson, Chilwell and Maddison on holiday for a week just before they are supposed to join the England squad in the international break. Fuck you Southgate. Pick Wilshere you bastard. I also send Neymar, Marquinhos and Thiago Silva on holiday for a week, but that’s just for shits and giggles.
That’s the defence sorted! Once the January transfer window opens I’ve got John Stones, Rob Holding and Jordan Pickford all joining the club. That’s a Champions League winning line up if ever I saw one. Looks like Marquinhos, Navas and Thiago Silva will either have to leave or enjoy being benched.
Gaylord Kitenge is 12 months away from being homegrown. His parents are mean.
More takeover rumours. My owner quashes them. He is (not) quoted as saying that he is 100% behind his visionary manager and King Wilshere.
For no reason at all I am now training Ander Herrera as a left back. Double intensity.
Ah. The “send them on holiday” scheme didn’t work. They still played for their countries. Dang.
Neymar is hotly tipped to win Foreign Player of the year. He is up against the likes of blah blah blah and James Tavernier!
Next game is home against Dijon. Let’s see if Ben Alnwick can cut the mustard (snigger).
Another James Tavernier penalty as we beat Dijon 2-1. They managed 2 shots on target all game, and one of them went in. I am starting to think that Ben Alnwick is not the super human shot stopper that I bigged him up to be.
Oh, that was our 10th win in a row. That’s a new record for PSG.
I’ve sent half my first team on holiday for a week. They need a rest and since I’ve already qualified I’ll just play the likes of Verratti against Valencia. You know. Reserves.
Man U turned down my bid of a friendly in exchange for Phil Jones. I thought it was a more than fair offer.
Holy crap. We beat Valencia away 1-0, despite resting the entire outfield apart from Henderson. Both fullbacks were 17 year olds from the youth team. There’s only 1 explanation for it: Jordan Henderson is an amazing captain who led his troops to victory. It has nothing to do with the Valencia red card.
Ander Herrera has had a change of heart and no longer wants to leave. Tough titties mate. You’re a left back now. Train harder!
Nimes are brushed aside 2-0 away. Mbappe and Sarabia score. This takes us on to 12 wins in a row.
November ends. The board rate my performance as a B. What the fuck? I have literally won every single game and we are playing attacking football. Apparently they aren’t happy with Ben Alnwick’s signing. Fair point.
We are on course to pass the financial fair play regulations. Lol
Reims are demolished 6-0 at home. Another 2 goals for MOTM Tavernier (1 penalty, 1 from open play), Henderson, Sarabia & 2 for Mbappe. That’s 13 wins in a row.
Idrissa Gueye has handed in a transfer request. I think the fact that I forgot he even existed may be partly responsible for this. I accept the request.
James Tavernier is currently the joint second highest scorer in the league on 9 goals. DID YOU HEAR THAT SOUTHGATE? Call him up.
Monaco are smashed 3-0 away with an Icardi hat trick. On the down side Chilwell has reached his yellow cards limit whilst Neymar has sprained his ankle and is out for 3 weeks. When’s his sister’s birthday again?
Home game against Napoli to round off the UCL group stages. I’m going to rest everyone. Pre-match Gattuso tells the press how much he admires me. I tell the press that Gattuso is a wanker. I still remember him headbutting 100 year old Joe Jordan in the face.
My fans are confident ahead of the Napoli game. They haven’t seen the team yet… and I still win 2-0. MOTM Angel Gomes and Paplo Sarabia with the goals. This result was enough for Red Bull Leipzig to leapfrog Napoli and qualify 2nd in the group with 9 points and a goal difference of -2. They are one of 2 teams to qualify with a negative goal difference, the other being Dinamo Zagreb. I am one of 2 teams to qualify with 6 wins out of 6, the other two being Tottenham and Chelsea.
Bordeaux are swept aside next. 3-0 at home, with goals from Greenwood, Mbappe and Henderson. That’s 16 wins in a row in all competitions.
Ander Herrera has handed in a transfer request. I guess he doesn’t like being in the reserves and being trained as a left back. I accept the request.
I draw Ajax in the UCL first knock out round. That’s a very winnable tie for Wilshere & co. Meanwhile, Liverpool draw Real Madrid and Juventus draw Bayern Munich.
Next up is the Coupe de la Ligue BKT game vs Amiens at home. I will be fined £6.5k if I don’t pick 7 players in the squad who have played in at least 1 of my last 2 competitive games. Interesting idea, but a fine like that means nothing to me. I was going to rotate everyone to intentionally incur the fine. However, 2 games ago I played my reserves vs Napoli, so I’ve pretty much played everyone in the last 2 games anyway. We absolutely steamroll them 4-0, with goals from Kimpembe, Mbappe and MOTM Greenwood bagging 2. More importantly, Ben Alnwick kept a clean sheet. Also, Bellingham becomes the youngest ever Coupe de la Ligue BKT player.
Athletico Bilbao offer me £15m for Herrera, with me paying £83k of his wages every week. I tell them to stick that offer up their arse, and counter with a non-negotiable £15m and £100 per week of his wages being paid. They agree to this!
Rennes frustrate us with a 0-0 draw. Despite MOTM Wilshere picking out passes left and right, the finishing was poor. The run of 17 wins in a row is halted. Still, currently unbeaten this season.
The fans are reported to have hated Angel Gomes since he joined on loan. Bloody Anglophobes.
That’s it for Part 1. Just entered the winter break.
Next up: Part 2 - The Ballard of Rob Holding
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I'm a zombie hunter with I.G.O.R. - I fought the Ghoul King Lucifer in a battle to the undeath

International Ghoul-hunters: Operation Roundtable was a long-winded name for our attempt to restructure society after its collapse. We shortened it to IGOR, and have referred to it as such ever since.
The zombie apocalypse happened nearly a decade ago, and I’m old enough to remember the shock and ensuing mayhem experienced by the general populace when we saw that TV shows and movies had gotten it right all along. “Go for the head” was the word that got out. That was the only way to kill the bastards. Destroy the brain. Or at least what was left of it.
Methods of infection were disputed at first, some saying even being touched by a zombie was enough to become infected by the virus. Some thought it was airborne. Others believed it was only spread through a bite.
People who died of natural causes stayed dead, at least. The only ones who rose again were the people who were bit by a ghoul, we realized after some time. There didn’t seem to be any chance of infection through scratches or aerosols, which was a relief. That meant we had a chance of getting things back under control one day, if we could only thin out their numbers.
IGOR came into being a few years ago, and has grown tremendously since then. We have a good chance now at taking back the world for humanity, and snatching it back from the grasp of the dead. An attempt at global government that had enough local clout and manpower to affect change across the planet. We created a global communication network, and even have a small navy and air force. It’s not much, but it’s a start. And like I say, we keep growing every day.
The problem, though, is the superiors. If it weren’t for them we’d have the world back to normal, almost. But the superiors are dangerous and deadly. Able to control entire hordes of zombies telepathically. And they’ve been taking out our people one by one. Systematically destroying our new shadow government and replacing it with their own.
One superior in particular has amassed a huge army of undead. We’ve come to calling him Lucifer, as he’s risen to the heights of evil power unlike anything we’ve seen before. He is like the antichrist. Raising up an army of dead to replace the living.
He started out in Northern Ontario, Canada. The cold weather froze many of the zombies in the winter months, keeping them fresher, stronger. Somehow, he amassed the largest horde ever seen from what was left in the colder regions and then began to move south towards Toronto, where he set up his headquarters. Right at the top of the CN tower.
For those who don’t know, that was once the tallest building in the world. It’s still near the top of the record books, especially after several of its competitors burned down following the looting and rioting post-apocalypse.
Lucifer lives at the top of this giant tower, and rules supreme over the hundreds of thousands of undead who roam the streets below him. From up there, he can survey them all, and send them forth against any threats that approach, using only his thoughts.
Our man is still inside, so we don’t want to blow the place up. We think he knows that. Maybe that’s why he’s keeping him there. The rest of the team is dead – Frank, Cassie, Stella, Tom – he only kept the leader.
General Reed. My once-proud mentor. Now a tortured captive, only half the man he used to be. Literally, not figuratively, since the zombies ate his legs. Mentally he’s all there – we can tell this based on his writings. He’s not reporting to us directly, but it seems he’s still managing to sneak out the occasional hidden code within his writings.
It appears that Lucifer has made General Reed into his publicist. The guy was always a great writer. He did our meeting minutes and whenever we needed a memo for some big-picture idea typed up he was always the one we asked to do it. So it doesn’t surprise me that Lucifer enlisted him to write up these press releases for no discernable reason, which he leaves scattered everywhere.
Here’s a brief excerpt from one:
“Greetings!
All hail our supreme leader! The nameless one. He will carry us forth into the future with his brave and fierce lamentations. Make way for his greatness! Pffft.. yeah, okay.
What else is new?
The groan of the day today is: “UNNNNGGGGHHHH”
And here’s a joke to brighten up this cloudy morning!
Did you hear about the guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid? He says he can stop anytime he wants!”
You get the basic idea. Just a community newsletter more or less, except nobody can read it but us and him. And I don’t mean Lucifer. Judging by his lack of awareness that he is being openly mocked in the majority of these press releases, I would say he has a cursory understanding of the English language at best.
Which brings me to how we ended up being tipped off on when and where to strike. In one particular press release, General Reed filled us in on the fact that Lucifer really likes to sleep in on Sundays. He always stays up late the night before, for Decapitated Head Bowling League – every Tuesday and Saturday night.
Thus we had our opening for an attack.
The plan was to come in by chopper and descend to the observation deck of the CN tower. We would have to blast our way in, then rappel inside. It was the only way, since there was a few hundred thousand zombies downstairs.
Hovering over the tall building, we dropped down from the helicopters on our ropes. I only hoped the sound of the rotor blades hadn’t woken the bastard up.
Controlling my descent, I slowly dropped down to the window on the south side of the building. The observation deck had a ledge on the exterior, so I was able to stand on that easily and get prepared.
I gave the hand signal to Reggie on my left, then to Sam on my right. We placed the explosive charges on the plexi-glass, knowing it was thick and wouldn’t break easily.
My thumb went up into the air to indicate I was ready, and they pulled me back up towards the chopper.
Once we were clear of the blast, I hit the detonation button.
The explosion was deafening, despite my attempts to cover my ears with my hands at the last second. The intended effect was achieved, though, and we saw movement inside the building. We had our way in, but now they knew we were coming.
I gave the hand signal to the team and we dropped down once again from our safe height near the choppers. As the roller clamp slid down and I got closer and closer to the building’s observation deck once again, my heart began to hammer wildly in my chest. Despite my efforts at controlling it, I knew I might die there. We had never faced anyone so unpredictable. So deadly.
My feet hit the steel grate floor of the observation deck and I saw zombies milling about inside the building. We just had to hope that he hadn’t made it to the elevator yet. The blueprints showed it was not far from where he slept.
I jumped through the open window and felt the air whipping around inside the place with tremendous force. It was a windy night and at this height the gales were powerful enough to knock a man off his feet.
A zombie lurched out of the shadows towards me and I spun around just in time. It was a fast one, a wolf.
I managed to knock his chin with the butt of my rifle but it did very little to disable the monster. His rotten teeth snapped the open air just inches from my face. His decaying skin had large sections missing which exposed muscle, bone, and subcutaneous tissue beneath. I could see his jaw snapping shut through a large hole in his cheek.
Reggie came up behind him as the bastard took me to the ground with his wild and unpredictable attacks. We all try to watch each other’s backs, and Reggie was a consummate professional. He made quick work of the wolf with a thrust of his long tactical knife through the brain stem of the ghoul.
General Reed began to call out from his location. We heard him and moved in that direction. Lucifer would conceivably want to use him as a human shield, so it was a safe bet they would be together. Either that or the bastard was already gone. We didn’t think he would leave without his scribe and bargaining chip. Without General Reed as a deterrent, we’d have napalmed his ass long ago. A few had suggested doing that regardless, but were eventually outvoted by the rest of the roundtable. Arthur wouldn’t have allowed it anyways, and he had the ultimate say with his veto power.
Broken glass crunched beneath my feet as I moved towards the sound of Reed’s calls for help. The man sounded much different now, like he was weak and in ill-health. His strong voice now sounded tired and haggard.
“Look out!” I heard Miller call out too late, and turned to see Reggie being assaulted from all angles. The floor was full of wolf-zombies, I realized too late. They were Lucifer’s elite body guards. These mutated ghouls were capable of inhuman speed and their reflexes were off the charts. Worse yet, they were sneaky. They could blend into the shadows and lie in wait for hours or days if they wanted to. Not to mention their ability to mimic normal dullard zombie behaviour, so you didn’t realize you were dealing with a wolf until it was too late, and they were already pulling out your windpipe with their teeth.
Reggie was currently having that done to him. They pulled out his trachea and esophagus and gnawed on them as he gurgled and made silent screams.
I took out my sidearm and shot one in the head. The other looked up at me with his face covered in gore, and he smiled intelligently. The next bullet took out his eye and he fell over, dead for good.
Suddenly all the shadowy corners inside the CN tower observation deck looked like potential hiding places for ghouls. They were anywhere and everywhere, as far as we could tell. I made a hand signal to the other members of the team, and we made a tight formation, watching each other’s backs.
We began to move towards the direction of General Reed once again. His calls for help were silent now, and I worried we had missed our chance. For all we knew they had snuck onto the elevator and were now down on the ground floor, escaping.
I kicked in the door to the room where I believed his calls had come from.
It was clearly not the right room. Ghouls were packed inside shoulder to shoulder, filling the crowded room with a horrifying smell. As soon as they saw me they lunged forward, reaching out their decaying hands toward me. I screamed and stumbled backwards, as they began to pour out of the room. There was no chance of containing them. They were soon everywhere.
I began to fire my assault rifle, taking measured single shots, trying to remember my training, trying not to panic. It helped that I had been in the shit before. Worse than this, if you can imagine that.
But there were dozens of them. They quickly overwhelmed my team and took them out one by one, despite their efforts to fight back. Pretty soon it was just me and a handful of zombies, lurching towards me as I picked them off with careful shots to the head.
When the last one hit the ground, I figured it was time to try another door. There were only so many options. General Reed had to be behind one of them. But Lucifer was probably hiding in there too. I hadn’t heard the elevator door opening, I realized, which meant that he was most likely still up here.
The next door I kicked in was the right one. I saw General Reed laying on the floor, a cold look in his eyes. His lower half was gone, and the rest of him looked thin and pale. He was shaking his head and looking at me saying, “Why did you come here? You shouldn’t have come here.”
I stepped into the room and his eyes widened. Turning around, I saw the blade of a long sword swish past my face. It took off the end of my nose but I didn’t feel that until later. The adrenaline took over as Lucifer regained his balance and began to take a backswing with the blade. It looked heavy and ornate, and completely impractical.
When he swung it, it threw him off balance once again, and I took my opportunity as I sidestepped out of the path of danger. He howled with rage and anger as I took hold of the hilt of the sword, attempting to wrestle it from his grasp. He was strong, but I was stronger, and began to overpower him.
That was when he bit me. It was a move made out of pure desperation, and I could tell by the look on his face that he was afraid of what the consequences of this action might be.
No one had ever been bit by a superior before. Until that moment.
I felt the power surging through me and although I didn’t understand it at the time, my life in that moment would be changed forever.
I kicked him away from me as I pulled the blade out of his hands. The flesh of my neck where his teeth were tearing it apart came loose and I swore in anger and horrified pain. The blood which poured forth from the wound was now black and tarry, and didn’t look like something which would come from a human being. I realized that was because I no longer was one. Now I was something different. Now I was a superior. My heart was no longer beating, I noticed. My skin felt cold and clammy.
The elevator made a loud ding, and I heard the door open just outside the room we were in. I gave the superior another good kick to the chest and shoved him out the door just as a dozen more zombies came around the corner.
“Eat him!” I shouted at them, wanting to test my new powers.
They engulfed him and began to tear apart his clothing and then his flesh as he screamed and howled in pain and terror.
“Go out the window! Take him with you!” I shouted at them next. My new undead servants complied, and took the bastard down to the ground floor with them, pulling him out the window as he screamed in bloody agony. Lucifer was no more. By the time they hit the ground they would all be liquefied human remains. Zombie smoothies.
“What’s your status team leader?” the voice of the helicopter pilot demanded through my radio.
“Package is in hand,” I said back, clipping a rope to General Reed’s belt.
“Thank you,” he said weakly.
“Don’t thank me until we’re home free, okay? You’ll jinx this flawless mission which has gone off without a hitch. So just keep your trap shut for now, alright?”
I threw him over my shoulder and carried him to the window, stepping out onto the observation deck. From there, I made the call with the radio. We were going home. And now we had a chance at fighting back.
JG
submitted by Jgrupe to TheCrypticCompendium [link] [comments]

What We are desiring of this sub.

We are desiring a platform of exchange of energy and information. Free the knowledge from the creeps who steal your dollar.
Bookies will eat you alive in sports played in non English speaking countries if you aren’t fluent. Even if the sport is a global game.
This is why I’m so successful in Russian and Korean Basketball. I am fluent in English,Spanish, Korean, Russian and Portuguese.
I’m currently tinkering with ideas around Novo Basquete currently as the 3rd league I will do regular tips on (Nearly done with a Russian Super Liga A model)
However, I’m not perfect (surprising right?) and we could receive some help from some more bright individuals.
Anyone is free to post their due diligence. On drugs? Cool, me too we don’t give a shit. I post all the time barred and drunk. You might not understand a word I say, but you know we don’t do bread lines we do fucking Filet mignon lines here.
However, I see some good potential markets for bets just ripe for picking with good info.
Maybe some Brits can help get info for BBL picks? I’m sure there has to be more local information out and about, as there is basically no real game changing info that I can readily find.
People fluent in Chinese for the CBA. This is where I think the gold is honestly, even more so than the KBL, especially if they can get local news about injuries and such first. There is just such a huge barrier between China and the Western world.
submitted by AlexeyShved to RealSportBetting [link] [comments]

I think that I found my ideal betting strategy

I think that I found my ideal strategy after 4 years of betting
PS: sorry my english is not perfect
I have always loved football more than anything. even when i was younger when i watched the games i had my notebook and i would mark everything that happened in a single game and at the end of the weekend i was looking at everything i had written down and i loved the feeling of knowing what happens on the soccer fields when we talk at school with the guys.
At that time I didn't know that we could bet on it , over time I knew the bets and as a youngster I wanted to make a little money so I started to bet a little I was not bad at all I knew the teams the styles of the players so I bet on a bit of everything I didn't lose money but I didn't win much either and since I wasn't winning much and it takes time I didn't see too much interest.
so I would bet sometimes for periods and I stop and over time I learned a lot in 2017 I decided to take it seriously I had the flair for that so I wanted to see what its given if i focused on it i had to create a twitter account where I was sharing my bets so i had a small community that started to form it was very cool btw.
over a period of several months I accumulated almost 300 bets, at one point my ROI (Return On Investment) was 6.14% which is an extraordinary result and it is at this point that I made a very big mistake I didnt have a precise strategy for betting . so I was betting on all the soccer markets (Goals, Handicap ,even Corners) and then I started to touch US sports (NBA NFL NHL) because I was intrigued by all the statistics.
very quickly my ROI drops at -28% I was disgusted I was losing everything I had won even in soccer I started betting on any championship just to get back my winnings and at one point I decided to take a break I had no longer this feeling that arousing me.
I haven't bet for over a year, but I still followed soccer so much. during the start of the pandemic there were no more so I missed it a lot and with the resumption of matches and all the hype I had again this desire to bet, but this time I had to make a very precise strategy with a code and rules to be respected which will prevent me from repeating the same mistakes which are fatal in a long term bankroll.
In my opinion there are three aspects that allow you to be successful in betting:
1-Strategy (bankroll management) 2-Rules to follow (lessons from my own experience) 3-Analysis of games
1-Strategy (bankroll management) :
we could spend hours on the different betting strategies but what matters in the end is to be in profit.
to start, you have to set a starting capital and then set a precise stake for all your bets.
The main goal is not to play any odds lower than 1.85 to at least double the stake every time. to reduce the risk there will be three types of bet.
Simple : odd = or > 1,85 Double : two odds < 1,45 - 1,84> Triple, Quadruple, Quintuple : <1,10 - 1,54>
it's not complicated with an average odd of 1.90 we need 53% of successful bets to be in profit .
Once you follow the strategy you have to respect it in any case and never change the fixed stake or the odds on the types of bet at the risk of unbalancing the bankroll.
To succeed with any strategy you have to be efficient on the tips and this is where the betting rules come.
2-Rules to follow (lessons from my own experience) :
-Don’t bet on anything other than soccer. -Bet on the Top 5 Leagues (PL,Liga,SerieA,Bundesliga,Ligue1) and European competitions (you always find the data that you need) -Avoid the inferior divisions (too unpredictable) (poor data) -Avoid international games (Nations League, Friendly) except competitive games (Tournament, Qualifications) -Bet only on the result (Win,Double Chance,DNB,AsianHandicap+1or+2) -Avoid unpredictable markets (Goals,Corners,Cards,Scorers) -Don’t bet without analyzing a game (next chapter)
Ps: if u have a question about the rules ask me for an explanation :)
3-Analysis of games :
for this chapter there are two points. there is the permanent analysis and the game analysis.
The permanent analysis It’s to have a general opinion on all the teams to learn daily about the players and their form, the style of the coaches, the strength and weakness of their tactics, to know the dynamics of the teams. we can improve this analysis in some ways.
-Try to see as many matches as possible to see the teams. -Identify weak teams during the season. -identify strengths of teams.(tactic ability, individual performances, automatism on the field).
And there is the individual game analysis when you have to check some points before betting on a game:
-the latest performances. (watch games sequences) -check statistics (home away results, shots, corners ....) - probable line-ups -the competitiveness of the teams and the games - the reliability of the different tactics (defensive strength, ability of creation , finishing ....) -players Dynamic - the absence of a player who unbalances games , the reliability of the substitutes.
submitted by PuzzleheadedPiglet24 to sportsbook [link] [comments]

*SUBREDDIT EXCLUSIVE* ---> I'm a Zombie-hunter with I.G.O.R. - We fought the Ghoul King Lucifer in a battle to the death

Part 1
International Ghoul-hunters: Operation Roundtable was a long-winded name for our attempt to restructure society after its collapse. We shortened it to IGOR, and have referred to it as such ever since.
The zombie apocalypse happened nearly a decade ago, and I’m old enough to remember the shock and ensuing mayhem experienced by the general populace when we saw that TV shows and movies had gotten it right all along. “Go for the head” was the word that got out. That was the only way to kill the bastards. Destroy the brain. Or at least what was left of it.
Methods of infection were disputed at first, some saying even being touched by a zombie was enough to become infected by the virus. Some thought it was airborne. Others believed it was only spread through a bite.
People who died of natural causes stayed dead, at least. The only ones who rose again were the people who were bit by a ghoul, we realized after some time. There didn’t seem to be any chance of infection through scratches or aerosols, which was a relief. That meant we had a chance of getting things back under control one day, if we could only thin out their numbers.
IGOR came into being a few years ago, and has grown tremendously since then. We have a good chance now at taking back the world for humanity, and snatching it back from the grasp of the dead. An attempt at global government that had enough local clout and manpower to affect change across the planet. We created a global communication network, and even have a small navy and air force. It’s not much, but it’s a start. And like I say, we keep growing every day.
The problem, though, is the superiors. If it weren’t for them we’d have the world back to normal, almost. But the superiors are dangerous and deadly. Able to control entire hordes of zombies telepathically. And they’ve been taking out our people one by one. Systematically destroying our new shadow government and replacing it with their own.
One superior in particular has amassed a huge army of undead. We’ve come to calling him Lucifer, as he’s risen to the heights of evil power unlike anything we’ve seen before. He is like the antichrist. Raising up an army of dead to replace the living.
He started out in Northern Ontario, Canada. The cold weather froze many of the zombies in the winter months, keeping them fresher, stronger. Somehow, he amassed the largest horde ever seen from what was left in the colder regions and then began to move south towards Toronto, where he set up his headquarters. Right at the top of the CN tower.
For those who don’t know, that was once the tallest building in the world. It’s still near the top of the record books, especially after several of its competitors burned down following the looting and rioting post-apocalypse.
Lucifer lives at the top of this giant tower, and rules supreme over the hundreds of thousands of undead who roam the streets below him. From up there, he can survey them all, and send them forth against any threats that approach, using only his thoughts.
Our man is still inside, so we don’t want to blow the place up. We think he knows that. Maybe that’s why he’s keeping him there. The rest of the team is dead – Frank, Cassie, Stella, Tom – he only kept the leader.
General Reed. My once-proud mentor. Now a tortured captive, only half the man he used to be. Literally, not figuratively, since the zombies ate his legs. Mentally he’s all there – we can tell this based on his writings. He’s not reporting to us directly, but it seems he’s still managing to sneak out the occasional hidden code within his writings.
It appears that Lucifer has made General Reed into his publicist. The guy was always a great writer. He did our meeting minutes and whenever we needed a memo for some big-picture idea typed up he was always the one we asked to do it. So it doesn’t surprise me that Lucifer enlisted him to write up these press releases for no discernable reason, which he leaves scattered everywhere.
Here’s a brief excerpt from one:
“Greetings!
All hail our supreme leader! The nameless one. He will carry us forth into the future with his brave and fierce lamentations. Make way for his greatness! Pffft.. yeah, okay.
What else is new?
The groan of the day today is: “UNNNNGGGGHHHH”
And here’s a joke to brighten up this cloudy morning!
Did you hear about the guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid? He says he can stop anytime he wants!”
You get the basic idea. Just a community newsletter more or less, except nobody can read it but us and him. And I don’t mean Lucifer. Judging by his lack of awareness that he is being openly mocked in the majority of these press releases, I would say he has a cursory understanding of the English language at best.
Which brings me to how we ended up being tipped off on when and where to strike. In one particular press release, General Reed filled us in on the fact that Lucifer really likes to sleep in on Sundays. He always stays up late the night before, for Decapitated Head Bowling League – every Tuesday and Saturday night.
Thus we had our opening for an attack.
The plan was to come in by chopper and descend to the observation deck of the CN tower. We would have to blast our way in, then rappel inside. It was the only way, since there was a few hundred thousand zombies downstairs.
Hovering over the tall building, we dropped down from the helicopters on our ropes. I only hoped the sound of the rotor blades hadn’t woken the bastard up.
Controlling my descent, I slowly dropped down to the window on the south side of the building. The observation deck had a ledge on the exterior, so I was able to stand on that easily and get prepared.
I gave the hand signal to Reggie on my left, then to Sam on my right. We placed the explosive charges on the plexi-glass, knowing it was thick and wouldn’t break easily.
My thumb went up into the air to indicate I was ready, and they pulled me back up towards the chopper.
Once we were clear of the blast, I hit the detonation button.
The explosion was deafening, despite my attempts to cover my ears with my hands at the last second. The intended effect was achieved, though, and we saw movement inside the building. We had our way in, but now they knew we were coming.
I gave the hand signal to the team and we dropped down once again from our safe height near the choppers. As the roller clamp slid down and I got closer and closer to the building’s observation deck once again, my heart began to hammer wildly in my chest. Despite my efforts at controlling it, I knew I might die there. We had never faced anyone so unpredictable. So deadly.
My feet hit the steel grate floor of the observation deck and I saw zombies milling about inside the building. We just had to hope that he hadn’t made it to the elevator yet. The blueprints showed it was not far from where he slept.
I jumped through the open window and felt the air whipping around inside the place with tremendous force. It was a windy night and at this height the gales were powerful enough to knock a man off his feet.
A zombie lurched out of the shadows towards me and I spun around just in time. It was a fast one, a wolf.
I managed to knock his chin with the butt of my rifle but it did very little to disable the monster. His rotten teeth snapped the open air just inches from my face. His decaying skin had large sections missing which exposed muscle, bone, and subcutaneous tissue beneath. I could see his jaw snapping shut through a large hole in his cheek.
Reggie came up behind him as the bastard took me to the ground with his wild and unpredictable attacks. We all try to watch each other’s backs, and Reggie was a consummate professional. He made quick work of the wolf with a thrust of his long tactical knife through the brain stem of the ghoul.
General Reed began to call out from his location. We heard him and moved in that direction. Lucifer would conceivably want to use him as a human shield, so it was a safe bet they would be together. Either that or the bastard was already gone. We didn’t think he would leave without his scribe and bargaining chip. Without General Reed as a deterrent, we’d have napalmed his ass long ago. A few had suggested doing that regardless, but were eventually outvoted by the rest of the roundtable. Arthur wouldn’t have allowed it anyways, and he had the ultimate say with his veto power.
Broken glass crunched beneath my feet as I moved towards the sound of Reed’s calls for help. The man sounded much different now, like he was weak and in ill-health. His strong voice now sounded tired and haggard.
“Look out!” I heard Miller call out too late, and turned to see Reggie being assaulted from all angles. The floor was full of wolf-zombies, I realized too late. They were Lucifer’s elite body guards. These mutated ghouls were capable of inhuman speed and their reflexes were off the charts. Worse yet, they were sneaky. They could blend into the shadows and lie in wait for hours or days if they wanted to. Not to mention their ability to mimic normal dullard zombie behaviour, so you didn’t realize you were dealing with a wolf until it was too late, and they were already pulling out your windpipe with their teeth.
Reggie was currently having that done to him. They pulled out his trachea and esophagus and gnawed on them as he gurgled and made silent screams.
I took out my sidearm and shot one in the head. The other looked up at me with his face covered in gore, and he smiled intelligently. The next bullet took out his eye and he fell over, dead for good.
Suddenly all the shadowy corners inside the CN tower observation deck looked like potential hiding places for ghouls. They were anywhere and everywhere, as far as we could tell. I made a hand signal to the other members of the team, and we made a tight formation, watching each other’s backs.
We began to move towards the direction of General Reed once again. His calls for help were silent now, and I worried we had missed our chance. For all we knew they had snuck onto the elevator and were now down on the ground floor, escaping.
I kicked in the door to the room where I believed his calls had come from.
It was clearly not the right room. Ghouls were packed inside shoulder to shoulder, filling the crowded room with a horrifying smell. As soon as they saw me they lunged forward, reaching out their decaying hands toward me. I screamed and stumbled backwards, as they began to pour out of the room. There was no chance of containing them. They were soon everywhere.
I began to fire my assault rifle, taking measured single shots, trying to remember my training, trying not to panic. It helped that I had been in the shit before. Worse than this, if you can imagine that.
But there were dozens of them. They quickly overwhelmed my team and took them out one by one, despite their efforts to fight back. Pretty soon it was just me and a handful of zombies, lurching towards me as I picked them off with careful shots to the head.
When the last one hit the ground, I figured it was time to try another door. There were only so many options. General Reed had to be behind one of them. But Lucifer was probably hiding in there too. I hadn’t heard the elevator door opening, I realized, which meant that he was most likely still up here.
The next door I kicked in was the right one. I saw General Reed laying on the floor, a cold look in his eyes. His lower half was gone, and the rest of him looked thin and pale. He was shaking his head and looking at me saying, “Why did you come here? You shouldn’t have come here.”
I stepped into the room and his eyes widened. Turning around, I saw the blade of a long sword swish past my face. It took off the end of my nose but I didn’t feel that until later. The adrenaline took over as Lucifer regained his balance and began to take a backswing with the blade. It looked heavy and ornate, and completely impractical.
When he swung it, it threw him off balance once again, and I took my opportunity as I sidestepped out of the path of danger. He howled with rage and anger as I took hold of the hilt of the sword, attempting to wrestle it from his grasp. He was strong, but I was stronger, and began to overpower him.
That was when he bit me. It was a move made out of pure desperation, and I could tell by the look on his face that he was afraid of what the consequences of this action might be.
No one had ever been bit by a superior before. Until that moment.
I felt the power surging through me and although I didn’t understand it at the time, my life in that moment would be changed forever.
I kicked him away from me as I pulled the blade out of his hands. The flesh of my neck where his teeth were tearing it apart came loose and I swore in anger and horrified pain. The blood which poured forth from the wound was now black and tarry, and didn’t look like something which would come from a human being. I realized that was because I no longer was one. Now I was something different. Now I was a superior. My heart was no longer beating, I noticed. My skin felt cold and clammy.
The elevator made a loud ding, and I heard the door open just outside the room we were in. I gave the superior another good kick to the chest and shoved him out the door just as a dozen more zombies came around the corner.
“Eat him!” I shouted at them, wanting to test my new powers.
They engulfed him and began to tear apart his clothing and then his flesh as he screamed and howled in pain and terror.
“Go out the window! Take him with you!” I shouted at them next. My new undead servants complied, and took the bastard down to the ground floor with them, pulling him out the window as he screamed in bloody agony. Lucifer was no more. By the time they hit the ground they would all be liquefied human remains. Zombie smoothies.
“What’s your status team leader?” the voice of the helicopter pilot demanded through my radio.
“Package is in hand,” I said back, clipping a rope to General Reed’s belt.
“Thank you,” he said weakly.
“Don’t thank me until we’re home free, okay? You’ll jinx this flawless mission which has gone off without a hitch. So just keep your trap shut for now, alright?”
I threw him over my shoulder and carried him to the window, stepping out onto the observation deck. From there, I made the call with the radio. We were going home. And now we had a chance at fighting back.
submitted by Jgrupe to JGcreepypastas [link] [comments]

Something Fishy: Fuzzy's $SEAS Covenant Breakdown

Ahoy there, fellow Free Willy enthusiasts
It's your old pal Fuzzy.
I'm pleased so many of you were able to pull yourselves away from ... well, pulling away at yourselves - to take the time to read and enjoy my previous post (here, if you haven't had a chance to read it yet). I don't like setting homework but unfortunately that's going to be required reading for today's exercise. I promised I'd come back to show you how to do this for yourselves using the most upvoted ticker. The most upvoted suggestion was $CCL, but they're jacked to the tits with Euro debt. I'm a red blooded patriot, and I don't want some bowtied Oxbridge douchebag coming at me about misreading tweedy fucking English law documents. I'm sorry you didn't get into Harvard, Jeeves, but don't take that shit out on me. Blame your parents for giving birth to you on a wet green rock in the North Sea instead of in the land of milk and honey. Anyway, that's the reason I don't fuck with that LMA noise. So we're doing the second most upvoted suggestion instead - $SEAS. Anyone bitching about Blackfish will get roasted (do I sound fucking empathetic to you? I ate whale on a business trip in Japan and it was delicious).
I'm going to use headings so you can skip the shit you don't care about if you want to get right to the good stuff. Don't worry baby - I'll explain all the long words. Pull up a chair, pour yourself a drink, and try to concentrate for more than 5 minutes at a time without needing to take a body pillow break. If the idiots I supervise can do this, you can too.
FYI - I'm doing an AMA about this post and yesterday's in the comments at 3pm ET tomorrow because I have a gap in my schedule and I told my secretary to leave it open for you retards. There isn't a TL;DR because this is a teaching exercise. You're welcome. Strap in.
Brief background about me and comments on my previous post (skip if you want)
The TL;DR about me - I find loopholes in corporate debt documents for money. Sometimes for goodies, sometimes for baddies, always for cash up front plus expenses and a retainer. The TL;DR for why you should give a shit - these can help you get an edge on projecting company performance when you balance them against cashflow and upcoming obligations. Today I'm going to teach you how to do this with full detail included.
Yesterday we worked through a short, practical example together - $SIX. I don't have a view about that ticker one way or another and only intended to try and educate you idiots by using it as a teaching exercise. Of course, some of you went out and bought extremely OTM puts ($2 May death puts were up 4,200% this morning) notwithstanding that I specifically said I didn't have an opinion about their equity price about 50 or 60 times in the comments, and that even if I DID, liquidity crunch ain't happening for minimum 18 months. I tip my cap to you retards for taking completely the wrong message out of my post and applaud your enthusiasm for losing your own money. The spirit of this sub lives on despite the all invasion. Shoutout to u/pokimane for being the top. Girl, if you want a private session, my DMs are open. I'll tell you which stonks to buy.
Anyway. Enough bullshit.
Shit you'll need to play along at home (don't skip this)
$SEAS 2020 10-K
Amendment No. 9 to $SEAS Credit Agreement (don't try and be smart and tell me they amended again in February. I know they did - but that amendment is pretty much just a commitment upsize and I'll be calling out the differences as we go along. Just take my word for it. We're using No. 9 because it attaches the complete document and No. 10 doesn't. Here is No. 10 if you want to be so fucking fussy about it).
NOTE: Some of you seemed to struggle to find the debt docs yesterday. They're not in the 10-K. They go in 8-Ks that get filed immediately following the date of the Credit Agreement. Cross-ref the dates and you're off to the races. If any of you ask me where to find a 10-K or an 8-K I will not respond and I'd politely ask the mods to ban you the fuck back to where you came from.
Some music
A drink
$SEAS Target Review (learning about our subject)
Right. So. Let's start with the 10-K to learn about our subject. Or you could just watching fucking Free Willy. This place markets killer whales as an entertainment experience. It's not an overly sophisticated beastie. Here are some core highlights from their 2019 fiscal year that we should consider. My comments are in capitals.
This actually isn't too bad. The business runs at a profit (albeit a skinny one boosted by an outlier year) and is growing slowly. The bat-flu, however, is a major fucking spanner in the works. Zero attendance means zero sales. If you're $SIX, you close the park. But because $SEAS' businesses involve live animals, they can't just shut it down even though they can't sell tickets. And it's not like they can throw Willy in with the dolphins and expect them to play nice. They've got ongoing upkeep costs for shark food, dolphin poop tank cleaning, fucking whale vets. What does this mean? Say it with me now.
Negative cashflow. Ding ding ding. These are magic words to people like me. Smells like opportunity.
If you're interested, keep digging in the 10-K. It's a rabbit hole without a cute blonde and a white bunny at the end, so YMMV. But right now what you need to know is that they probably don't have much free cash (they've been clearing ~4.0% profits for the last decade pre-2019). They also spent 84,178,000 on interest expense last year. Their debt is not that pricey but there's a lot of it. This is a good segue.
$SEAS Debt (The hard part)
Before we get started, don't get your panties in a twist. Debt isn't bad. That's an assumption a lot of people make. Debt can be great (even when it's expensive). It's only bad when (1) you can't afford it or (2) you won't be able to afford it SOON - meaning you shouldn't have had it in the first place.
Your job now is to figure out three things. (1) What kind of debt structure do they have? (2) How much money do they have to pay to service it? and (3) Could they get more if they needed it?
The answer to question (1) is in the 10-K. CTRL+F Credit Agreement. Read a couple of lines down. Check there's nothing else. Bingo - we're in luck. No bonds. Less work for you. Reward yourself with a sip of that drink. Congratulate yourself on getting this far. Your mom and I are very proud. Now on with the show.
$SEAS have a $1,523,389,000 term loan due March 31, 2024 and a $332,500,000 revolver due October 31, 2023. They upsized the revolver by $100m in Feb. Bet that bank has buyer's remorse now. Anyway.
Teaching moment: The difference between a term loan and a revolver is that a term loan gets paid to you 100% up front and gets paid 100% back at the end. Normally it's for 7 years - this one is a bit shorter. This is sometimes called a 'bullet' loan. You pay interest on the loan plus 'amort' - this is mandatory interest payable on the whole lot at the end (typically 0.25%). A revolver isn't just a prop in a Clint Eastwood movie. It's like a corporate credit card. You can draw as much as you like and then pay it back - and then you can borrow it again. A unique feature of revolvers is that you can also draw either in cash or letters of credit (like a performance guarantee issued by a bank in favor of a third party on your behalf - you pay extra interest and an upfront fee for the privilege). Normally the credit agreement lasts for 5 years. Check the definition of "Maturity Date" to find out when these are due.
Now, according to the 10-K, they've got $20 mill in L/Cs drawn plus $50m odd drawn in cash. This leaves $250m or so left in that facility to take out of the great big shark-shaped ATM in the lobby if they need to. At the moment, a shitload of corporates are tapping their revolvers to help with cashflow problems, and I bet $SEAS is no exception. This means they've got wiggle room if they get squeezed. Good to know. Banks can sometimes try and stop you from doing this when there is bad shit in the market (this is called a "material adverse change" or "Event of Default" blocker and you can find it by googling either of those terms in Section 2 of the Credit Agreement, which deals with borrowings) but it would be pretty ballsy of their lenders to pull this 4 weeks after they had no problem giving them an extra $100 mill, so I think we can write that prospect off.
Let's talk about (2). Pricing. I'm not going to explain LIBOR to you because it'll go away soon anyway but for our purposes what you need to know is that whenever you see an "L+" in a pricing grid it means LIBOR PLUS the number after it. In this case, they're paying L+300 basis points for the term loan and L+275 basis points for the revolver, with a sliding scale based on their credit rating. Let's assume it's L+275. Find this under the definition of "Applicable Margin". This accounts for their great big interest expense. It's payable quarterly, so they're going to be stung, but they'll be able to get through it - they are probably paying about $20 mill a quarter in interest and like we said above, they've got at least $250m to play with if they need to. That said, if the parks don't reopen for more than another quarter, this could get ugly fast. More money drawn means more interest payable.
So now we can look at (3). Can they get more debt from other lenders? Here's the tricky part. NEGATIVE COVENANTS. Remember, the rule with these documents is you can't do anything EXCEPT. So we need to find the exceptions to incurring additional debt. These live in the 'Indebtedness' sections of the negative covenants in the Credit Agreement, which are nearly always in Section 7. Normally debt lives in 7.03. Found it? Good. Let's see what they can do.
Teaching moment. Lots of you asked yesterday how they could incur extra debt from *other banks* even if they're allowed to - why a bank would want to lend money to a bad company or a company heading into troubled waters. The answer is simple: money. Higher risk lending means they can charge a higher price. And remember, they're going to immediately de-risk by selling the debt to someone else. Literally can't go tits up for them (until it does for the bagholder, but that's someone else's problem).
Back to the technicals. Covenants have dedicated 'baskets'. Each one of those little paragraphs is a different exception and they can use most of them independently of each other. Some are for normal shit - like sale leasebacks or whatever. Some are more general. That's what we're looking for. Sometimes there's even a provision which lets you mix and match the baskets when you run out of room in one by using the extra in another. This is called "reclassification" and is for our more advanced students to worry about. Find it by CTRL+F "reclass". hint: $SEAS has this feature.
Anyway. Job 1 is finding the 'freebie' or 'unconditional' basket. It's normally the shortest one and says something like "Aggregate Indebtedness of the Borrower and its Subsidiaries in an amount to not exceed $X". Ours is in 7.03(m). It's $175 million. That's good!
The other key basket for general use is called incremental or accordion debt. We talked about this yesterday. This bit is much more complicated. Here's the explainer. This is debt incurred at a similar level of seniority which is taken to be treated the same way as the credit agreement debt in terms of priority. They get all the benefits of the protections without the need to stress about being part of the original bank group. Banks don't like this - borrowers LOVE it. You get a limited amount of this. It's often called an 'Incremental Cap', an 'Available Amount', or - as in this case - a 'Cumulative Credit'. You get a starter basket - a set figure - then you get rewarded by getting more in this bucket as your performance improves in other areas. These are the 'builder amounts'. Look in the definition to see what I'm talking about. Anyway. Here they get $325 million to start with, plus whatever else is available in the cumulative credit definition. From the 10-K explainer they don't have any other incremental debt, so we can assume that this is fully available. CTRL+F "incremental" in the Credit Agreement to learn more.
TL;DR? $SEAS can incur a shitload of additional debt. Cashflow secured, right? Wrong.
Financial Covenants (Extra credit)
A financial covenant is a special rule that says you need to keep a certain ratio - measuring some kind of fiscal performance - in line with a set figure, or lenders can call in the debt and make you pay it all back at once. Now, most of the time, these don't apply to term loans in 2020, just revolvers, and that's the case here too. Just CTRL+F "Financial Covenant" to find it. In today's market, covenants aren't 'fixed' like they used to be though (that is, apply all the time). Instead, they're 'springing' - they get keyed off a certain event - like tapping too much of a revolver (here, it's 35%).
Found it? Good. For $SEAS, it says that they're not allowed to go above a 6.25:1.00 First Lien Secured Leverage Ratio. This means the ratio of their debt to their EBITDA can't go above 6.25x (this is what 'leverage' is - no, not what your wife uses to get you to do her boyfriend's laundry) - or they'll need to pay back their revolver. This causes something of a domino effect - the revolver getting called in would mean the TL lenders could call the TL in (this is called a 'cross-default'). So they need to be careful with the revolver covenant compliance.
What does this mean? Use your noodle. Would they rather tap excess revolver and risk covenant breach, or just go out and get spicey incremental debt? Probably the latter. That's going to be expensive. They're going to get into some dire straits quickly if they can't reopen. And where does that $1.5bn in repayments come from?
What does this mean for the ticker? Again, use your fucking noodle. I don't give advice for free.
TL;DR (Can't help those that won't help themselves)
SPY $69 4/20 blaze it. Read Under the Volcano.
Good luck out there autists. AMA on this starts at 3pm ET tomorrow
EDIT 1 I can’t fucking believe I have to say this but this is not DD. Don’t think I’m advocating a position on this stock because I’m not. I’m trying to help you with the same tools that the big boys use to fuck you.
EDIT 2 AMA in the comments live until 5pm ET.
EDIT 3 I'm done with the AMA for now. Anyone who asked a decent technical question will get a response in the next 24 hours. $SEAS May death puts were up 11,000% today. Never change, WSB.
EDIT 4: Fuzzy does $F. https://www.reddit.com/wallstreetbets/comments/fqk15o/fallen_angels_shitty_cars_worse_debt_and_what_it/
submitted by fuzzyblankeet to wallstreetbets [link] [comments]

Achievement Tip Masterpost

LONGEVITY
Complete a Life Complete a full life
All you have to do for this one is die. You probably have it by now, but if you're super attached to your first Bitizen, you can always save your Bitlife and play somebody else wastefully or hold out until they pass.
Octogenarian See your 80th birthday Nonagenarian 90th birthday Centenarian 100th birthday Super-centarian 110th birthday Mega-centarian 120th birthday
Get on a healthy diet and garden and meditate twice a year. I like Nutrisystem. It's expensive, but I have advice for managing that below...
Strong Genes Achieve a 500-year generation Long Lineage 1000-year generation Living Legacy 5000-year generation
Never don't have kids. I like leaving everything to the youngest child and playing as them, but that won't make your kids happy with you or your heir. Your call. Either way, it helps to have a couple Bitlifes going in case you get tired of living carefully. Sometimes you're gonna want to be more reckless, you know?
WEALTH
Millionaire Become a millionaire My Second Million Achieve a net worth of $2m
Now that we have Royalty and Sports, this is a lot easier. Traditionally, if you're hot (95%+), drop out of high school and get your GED ($1k, you can do that in a couple years of dog walking/freelance gigs) and wait for a singer or actor career. If not, work hard in school and go to the gym often. Check your parents' stats and if they're generous make sure you pass your drivers test (maybe even ask if you can get a nicer one! immediately sell your car, they lose value fast) and take a martial art. It's much cheaper if they pay for it ($1K per tier in some countries) and gets you in good shape. If you're athletic, grind at a sport from middle school onwards. If you're not, try some athletic-adjacent clubs and go to the gym and for walks often. Pets count as additional walks which you can take from age 8+. When you're in good shape you can get a soccer scholarship (which can become a/)or a professional sports contract. More sports tips below, same with other careers. Basically try to get famous, not through politics. Or be hot and marry rich/have rich parents who die/be royal.
Multimillionaire Achieve a net worth of $10m Rich Net worth of $20m Super Rich Net worth of $50m Stinking Rich Net worth of $100m
Get a couple million first, then invest it in real estate. Or do ads if you're famous and it won't ruin your career. Helps to be big on social media for influence on that stuff. Fix up 1M+ houses and flip them when they've hit a value of 2 or 3 million. If you've got great karma or you're a religious figure of some kind, exorcise some mansions. You can do it all that way, or keep grinding careers.
Bitionaire Achieve a net worth of $1b
It's hard to get here from 0. Helps to leave everything to your youngest kid before you die after living a long, fruitful life. You can let your kid "take over" your assets at any time without tax now, that's the best way to do it. Then as soon as they're 18 make them famous/invest in real estate and repeat.
CAREER
Actor Become an actor
Be hot. You can drop out at 16 and get your GED for $1k (ask your parents for money or do freelance gigs for a couple of years). If you're not, go to the gym and for walks often. Pets count as additional walks which you can take from age 8+. Grind at a sport in school if you can to keep your health well and get plastic surgery at 18. Generally if your appearance stats are low it's either a nose job or liposuction that will fix it. Always go to the best plastic surgeon. Marry rich if you have to or work for a couple years if you have to, but start the career as soon as you can. Always work 5 more hours a week than required and compliment your supervisor if their coolness is high. Sleep with people in Hollywood (bosses coworkers etc). Your spouse/parent will generally be mad if you're in rude magazines, so hold off on dating unless they're cool or make them deal with it.
Airplane Pilot Become an airline captain
Grind in school and keep your mental health well. No drugs but drink if you feel like it, just make sure you can go to AA or whatever. Always work 5 more hours a week than required and compliment your supervisor if their coolness is high. If you're rich and you've inherited an airplane or you can afford lessons, take them. Go to University for a science thing that isn't biology lol. Start your Pilot Apprentice job.
At Inner Peace Work 75 years as a monk
Follow my longevity tips above and don't party or drink or do drugs. Always be honest. Meditate. Don't date.
Candywriter Work for Bitlife
Be born in Tampa, United States. Go to university for Information Systems. You'll get the achievement right away when you're hired.
CEO Become a CEO
Go to school for Finance. Get a job. Work hard every year.
Dentist Become a dentist
Go to university for biology, then dental school. Work hard every year.
Doctor Become a doctor
Go to university for biology, then medical school. Work hard every year.
Fire Chief Become a fire chief
Stay in good shape. Work hard every year.
Jack Of All Trades Have 10 careers in one life
Work at retail and food service jobs for less than a year, then go to university to get even more opportunities. Keep going for different paths.
Judge Become a judge Lawyer Become a lawyer
Go to school for english. Go to law school. Work hard every year.
Last Resort Seduce your boss to save your job
Be hot. Work fewer hours than required at your job. Make sure your supervisor is attracted to your gender and low professionalism. When your boss tries to fire you, seduce them.
People Person
Start with your less popular coworkers and work your way up. Pay attention to their stats so you know what they want. Get hard-to-get people with Bitlife Bitizenships ($5).
Combat
Armed & Dangerous Kill someone with a learned martial art move
Get to the top level of a martial art, (especially in prison) pick someone old to attack. Start a fight with them.
Midieval Attack Get attacked with a midieval weapon
Kinda chance. Just keep picking fights. You can get into a lot of fights if you're rude at nightclubs or to people on the street. Sometimes if you attack your loved ones or enemies with a weapon they'll kill you with a sword or something.
No Grasshopper Earn the top belt in a martial art
Each martial art has 10 tiers. They can cost $1k+ if you're an adult so if you've got generous parents take advantage.
Sensei San Earn the top belt in every martial art
Have health above 50% when you take a martial arts lesson. Follow above tips. Parents will probably only pay for one set of lessons, so pay for the other arts yourself as an adult. At $10k per martial art, it will probably cost you $40k-$50k.
Disease
Addicted Sustain 3 addictions at once
Play Blackjack or go to the horse races often with mid-tier mental health. Get addicted to pills or some other hard non-psychedelic drugs. Start drinking last b/c it'll kill your health. Try not to let your Bitizen get depressed or you might die, lol. All addiction is dangerous so it may take a few tries.
Bubonic Plague Contract the bubonic plague
Have low health and luck out. I got it in the UK.
Foam at the Mouth Contract rabies
Try to take home every wild animal you see. One might bite you. If you succeed, take it to the vet. If it doesn't have rabies, release it. If it does, don't treat it! Take it home and bathe it until it bites you.
Sickly Contract 10 diseases in one life
Best if you're not vaccinated, but just have mid-tier health and be really social. All afflictions count.
Successful Rehab Have rehab cured at a rehab center
Go to fancy rehab if you can afford it. Do it from your military deployment to go AWOL.
Witchcraft Get cured of a disease by the witch doctor
Eye of newt and cow tongue are iffy. Always start with health at 100. They've fixed cancer and sickle cell for me.
Entertainment
BitBoi Watch Bijuu Mike on YouTube BTS ARMY Go to a BTS concert
Keep asking friends to watch YouTube/go to concerts every year until you get those options.
Movie Junkie Go to 5 movies in one life Moviegoer Go to a movie
Go to the movies every year. It's good for your relationship if you go with somebody.
Fame
Brightest Star Achieve maximum fame
Actor, model, writer, athlete career path. Keep doing every bonus thing (talk shows, books, pose nude, commercials) and verify on social media.
Centerfold Pose for Wank magazine
Agree to pose nude every time until you get it. I think this one has women mostly but I can't remember.
Endorser Get paid $2m for a commercial
Easy if you're a high paid actor or model doing an international commercial.
K-Pop Become a famous Korean singer
See my wealth advice. Follow it with the "background singer" career and start in Korea.
Fertility
DNA Donor Make 25 sperm donations in one life
This one is hard b/c you can only do it once a year and only until a certain age. So start at 18 and don't stop. I think you have to be American. Maybe UK and Canada too? Not legal everywhere. Try not to miss a year.
Fabulously Fertile Have 10 children in one life Fertile Myrtle Mother 25 children in one life
Meditate every year. Start at 18. You have to be cis. Eat healthy and exercise. Get boyfriends and have unprotected sex with them so you don't get STDs. You can be a mother up until like 51 if you're healthy and lucky. Keep having sex until you get pregnant.
Smart Seed Get artificially inseminated with lawyer sperm
Start at 18. You have to be cis. Be fertile (tips above). Keep pulling up the option to get artificially inseminated until a lawyer comes up. Don't listen to your partner if they don't want you to do it LOL.
Super Sperm Have 100 children in one life
Be a cis dude. Meditate. Be handsome. Have a million girlfriends. Use the dating app to keep dating young women. Don't abandon any kids but leave girlfriends as soon as they're pregnant. Hire every surrogate that will take you if it's legal. Sue them for the max ($200k) if they bail (not miscarry).
Three's Company Have triplets
Sometimes this happens if you're a dude with luck or while you're doing Super Sperm. Sometimes if you're a woman it's luck too or when you do IVF with your partner's sperm or other artificial insemination.
Military
Career Military Serve your full career in the military
Tips for staying alive below. Retire as soon as you can.
General Achieve the rank of general in the military
Be a good Army person. Grind at work like 5x a year. Keep in shape. Be nice to your seargeant.
Admiral Reach the rank of admiral in the military
Be a good Navy person. Grind at work like 5x a year. Keep in shape. Be nice to your seargeant.
Absent Without Leave Go AWOL in the military
Be deployed with an addiction and check into rehab. Whoops.
Excavator Clear 10 minefields
Be deployed, and use a minesweeper solver to not die if you suck at minesweeper.
Pet
Adopt Don't Shop Rescue every pet in the shelter
You gotta have a few houses. Then you're good. You gotta do it all in one year so have like a lot of houses. Like 5 at least. Tips for getting rich above.
Horsing Around Own 50 horses in one life
You gotta have a bunch of ranches. Buy a few horses a year. Tips for getting rich above.
Just Keep Swimming Buy a goldfish and release it.
You can do this one as a kid too if your parent gets you a goldfish.
Natural Selection Rescue every pet in the shelter
This one took forever. Just keep buying dangerous exotic pets and rescuing every dangerous animal you see. It's luck.
No Probllama Buy a Llama
Buy a ranch in Afghanistan. Go pet shopping.
Prison
Aftermath Escape prison in a riot Instigator Prison riot
Get good at Snake. Keep rioting. Works best in low security. Takes a couple tries, kind of luck.
Behind Bars Spend 50 years in prison True Lifer 75 years in prison
Do a murder in a country without the death penalty (Canada). Murder with full health at 18. Get a prison job. Meditate and work out every year. Keep your head down. Try half-heartedly to escape every once in a while so you don't accidentally get parole or something. But if you get out you can always go back. Rob a bank or something. But keep your health and behaviour up in case you get sick and need to go to the infirmary.
Gangsta Join a prison gang
Go to a medium or higher security prison.
Inmating Get a lover pregnant on a conjugal visit
Be a cis man with high fertility. Have a good relationship (80%+) with an 18 year old cis woman. Make sure she isn't on birth control. Do a small crime, get a prison job, and meditate. Request a conjugal visit.
Justice Get freed from prison by appeal
Be rich. Wait a couple years after you're sentenced for something non-violent.
Mercy Me Get granted clemency
Be a nun or a monk for 50+ years. Don't retire. Do a murder. Get a prison job. Meditate, work out, go to the library, and write letters to home. You won't know until the year you're scheduled to die, so hold on.
Midnight Express Get sentenced to Turkish prison
Be born in Turkey. Do a crime.
Theseus Escape a supermax prison
There are a ton of Bitlife prison guides. Do a murder and escape from death row.
Royalty
Executioner Execute 5 people
Be king. Or queen. Top dog, either way. It helps to have enemies or friends to make enemies.
Markle Marry into the royal family
Be a commoner in a country with royals. Be cute. Go on lots of dates. It'll pop up and be part of their name. They could be a viscount or whatever, no member of the royal family is too far removed.
Monarch Become a monarch
Start as prince or princess and inherit the throne.
Napoleon Get exiled to a distant land
Keep executing people. And do a bunch of disservice.
Reign Over Us Reign as monarch for 100 years
In a country where Prince/Princess is top monarch or where your king/queen parents are low health/dying, keep your health up until you're a super-centarian (see above).
Sports
Canton Get inducted into the football hall of fame
Be a great football player. Be famous. Play as long as you can. Keep being famous after football as long as you can. I stopped being famous at 40 and got inducted at 60.
Christiano Win the Ballon d'Or
Be a European soccer player. Keep winning championships (see below).
Full Ride Win an athletic scholarship
Start playing sports in middle school. Become captain of at least one team with a pro league.
Giggsy Win 13 career championships
You can train each stat up twice in a turn if you trade teams, but you'll lose respect, so pick your moments. Grind your whole life. Keep going to the gym. Trade teams when you guys start losing. Stay on top.
Hooker Yell at a leopard
Try out for professional rugby with high athletic stats. Choose Hooker as your position.
Lance Win a championship while doping
It's safest to dope the year after a drug test. Try it for your second or third championship.
Real Estate
House Hunter Make $2m from flipping a house
Buy a $2m house. Leave it to your kid. Sell it. See above.
Mansion Party Throw a party in a mansion Real Estate Mogul Purchase real estate worth $10m combined Trailer Party Party in a trailer
Pretty straight forward. If you're broke start with the trailer party. Then buy mansions. Advice for getting rich above.
School
Brothers Forever Get hired by a frat brother
Be a jock. See sports advice above. When you're in two sports at university, compliment the jocks' leader. Be good looking (plastic surgery if needed, see above) and google the answer to the question if you need it. Google high-level frats and pick one. Then when you get hired after school one of them might hire you!
Earning that A Seduce your teacher
Be really attractive and compliment your teachers who are attracted to people of your gender. Take the opportunity to sleep with them if it arises.
Naughty Child Get expelled from school
Be rude as hell to the principal/headmastedean
Swimming Star
Start swimming as young as you can and stay in shape. "Work harder" every year.
Social Media
Social Media Join social media Social Media Sharer Post Social Media Oversharer Post 5 times Social Media Star Get a million followers Check! Get verified
Join all social media platforms at 13. Be pretty and keep posting. Follow above advice to get famous in any public career to get more followers. Start with Instagram for verification around 100k. By the time you're a lead actosupermodel/etc you'll have 1m followers.
Vehicle
Antiqued Keep a car running for 200 years.
Buy a brand new car. Do maintenance twice a year. Pass it on to your kid (18+) and repeat.
Car collector Assemble a car collection worth $1m Lambo Buy a Lamborghini
Buy a lambo and a bunch of other fancy cars. Who cares. See advice above for money.
Not The Yellow One Buy a submarine
You need $5b for this to show up reliably.
Titanic Trouble Run into trouble on a yacht
Have a shitty yacht or shitty luck. Go for a bunch of rides.
Animal
Animal Rescue Rescue an animal
Helps to have 100% smarts. Read childrens books so you don't have to tap too many pages. It'll only take two or three.
Deaf Leapord Yell at a leopard
Buy a leopard from the exotic animals dealer and yell at it when it misbehaves.
Gorilla and the Fist Get decapitated by a gorilla
I had to buy so many gorillas from the exotic animals dealer to get one crazy enough to decapitate me. Just keep bathing it and letting it attack you every year until it kills you.
Unicorn Find a unicorn
Go for like 10 walks a year. Have good karma.
Hungry Hippo !!! NEEDED !!!
Apparently Egypt is good for this.
Lion Tamer !!! NEEDED !!!
Apparently Kenya is good for this.
Crime
Balcony Buccaneer Steal 100 packages in one life
It's a lot easier to avoid punishment by wielding your title if you're a monarch. This one took me ages as a civiliian.
Burglar Burgle 25 homes in one life
Play Snake well
Cold Killer Kill 10 people in one life Serial Killer Kill 25 people
Start with random homeless people. If you're a royal exert your title to avoid punishment. Keep buying your way out of prison as long as you can. Then start killing other prisoners, start with the oldest and work your way down to the strongest ones. Work out and meditate every year. Pay guards for protection if you can but you probably won't be fucked with if you keep strong and murderous.
Dillinger Rob 5 banks in one life
If you're royal you'll get away with it. Make sure you have a getaway car either way. Clown mask/closest equivalent and handgun/closest equivalent work best.
Scare to Death Scare someone to death
Do a murder but pick scare to death. Works best if they're old.
Bugatti Bandit !!! NEEDED !!!
Going Anywhere !!! NEEDED !!!
LOVE
Black Widow Widow 5 husbands in one life
Start using the dating app when you're 18 and go for old guys. Best if they don't have kids and if they're rich. Propose after you fuck when your relationship is at 100%. I like to be on birth control for this.
Golden Anniversary Be in a marriage for 50 years Diamond Anniversary Marriage for 75 years
Keep seeing movies together and fucking and complimenting each other. Cute as hell. Just marry young and try to both stay alive.
Fake It Propose successfully with a fake ring
Works best if you're rich and they love you and they're dumb.
Family Planner Convince a lover to go off birth control
Be a cis man. Be in a strong relationship with a cis woman. Ask her to go off birth control. Easiest if you're married to her.
Maiden Named Marry a man who takes your last name
Marry a man and don't change your last name. Kind of a luck thing. Make sure your relationship is strong.
Multigamist Get married 10 times in one life
Pre-nups and widowing make this easier but do you. Love them and leave them. If you're a young guy it's really easy to get older women to agree to marry you.
Stud Have 100 lovers in a single life
Hook up like crazy. Date all you can and fuck all of them. Use protection so you can stay alive.
Wedding Planner Agree to an arranged marriage
I did this in India as a woman with wealthy, religious parents.
Bejeweled !!! NEEDED !!!
General
All Along Have a parent who comes out of the closet
Could be luck. Or you can cheat it with a Bitizenship by making both parents gay and unreligious.
Begone Exorcise your own ghost
Be an exorcist. Buy a haunted house. Do what you do best.
Booty Call Have a successful Brazillian butt lift
Be healthy and have good karma. Use the best doctor. Cross your fingers. They still only work 1/3 of the time.
Cliff Diver Go cliff diving Hero Save someone's life Player Perks Accept a casino's hospitality offer Snake Snack Eat a snake ZAP! Get struck by lightning
Random event
Dignified Donor Donate a 1m+ heirloom to charity
Get your heirloom every day. Appraise it. Donate the first $1m+ one you get.
Flamin' Hot Survive 60 years on a Hot Cheetos diet
Get liposuction every couple of years and work out and walk a lot. Have no other conditions. Do your best. Get pets for more walks. Garden. Try to survive. Start at 18.
Flee the Country Emigrate to escape justice
Escape prison and emigrate
Frankenstein Survive 5 botched plastic surgeries
Keep going to the bad doctor. Go for risky procedures like butt lifts. Space them out to get your health back up.
Goat Grabber Join a goat grabbing team
Be athletic and join a goat grabbing team at school in Afghanistan
Human Dictionary Read the dictionary
So much tapping. But eventually it will show up in your books. Be strong.
Hyperthymesia Score 20 sequences on the memory test
The worst part of Bitlife. I did this one by writing 1,2,3 or 4 on a piece of paper according to which # square lit up with my right hand and doing the puzzle on my phone with my left hand. Still took like 5 tries and was really frustrating. Take breaks and come back with a clear head.
Jackpot Win the lottery jackpot
Keep your karma high and buy 10 tickets 5 times a year. You'll get it eventually.
Lowroller Get refused entry to a casino
Bet more money than you have on Blackjack. Once you're out of prison, try to come back. They'll turn you away.
Nightmare Wake up from a nightmare
As a pilot, buy a terrible plane. When it crashes, accept your doom. You might wake up.
Paranightmare Contract PTSD after a paranormal experience
Try to have bad mental and good physical health (a hard balance. Try gardening, dieting, and fighting with friends or loved ones) and then try to exorcise stubborn ghosts.
Perfection Achieve perfect stats
Pretty easy. Work out, get plastic surgery (lipo or nose job to start) and go for walks, read children's books (3 should get you to 100%) and go to the movies or on vacation.
Rich Justice Win a $1m+ lawsuit
Get fired from a really high paying job like CEO and win your lawsuit.
Run Bitizen! Win a bet on Bitizen There's Always Canada Emigrate to Canada Winnipeg, Eh? Visit Winnipeg
Wait until it pops up as an option
Say Goodbye To Hollywood Get deported from the United States
Move to the U.S. without permission. Get caught doing a minor crime.
Skeezy Get called "skeezy"
Be an asshole at nightclubs and in the streets. Fight with your friends and coworkers, insult them and start rumours.
Sweepstakes Win the sweepstakes
Set it up on a day where you'll be by your phone. Sign up every time you can.
Try & Stop Me Violate a restraining order
Stalk your ex. Do it again after they file a restraining order.
Ultimate Betrayal Your spouse leaves you following a gender reassignment
Have a terrible relationship with your heterosexual spouse. Get gender reassignment surgery.
Unethical Bribe a college official
Be rich and have dumb kids.
Roswell !!! NEEDED !!!
Sacrilege !!! NEEDED !!!
​
submitted by 69plasticflowers to BitLifeApp [link] [comments]

Leeds vs West Ham United 12/11/2020 Picks, Preview and Betting Tips

Leeds vs West Ham United 12/11/2020 – The 12th round of the English Premier League kicks off with an interesting showdown between Leeds United and West Ham United. The match will be held at the Elland Road with West Ham seeking to gain their fourth consecutive victory and retain their top-five standing in the Premier League table. On the other hand, Leeds looks to remain in the mid-table and catch up teams in the Top 10. Both teams came off huge victories to solidify their positions with the Peacocks subduing Everton and the Hammers topping Aston Villa. Premier League betting sites slightly favor West Ham to win in this matchup.
Visit: https://www.betnow.eu/socceleeds-vs-west-ham-united-12-11-2020-picks-preview-and-betting-tips/
submitted by BetNowSocial to u/BetNowSocial [link] [comments]

Delirium League challenges analysis/newbie guide

Feel free support my PATREON PAGE, means a lot to me even is little <3
NOTE:

1. Gear Up

Very Easy. This challenge teaches you on how to improve your character-basic-stats in this game.

2. Complete Delirium Encounters I

Very Easy. Is an introduction to new player about the new league mechanic, delirium.

3. Complete these Quests

Easy. All of these are side-optional-quests are NOT recommend to skip, because they give valuable reward for your leveling process.

4. Defeat these Act Bosses I

Easy. You'll encounter them as you progressing your journey/quest, these are the first-half of the act bosses, if can't kill just get a party to help.

5. Complete Encounters I

Easy. An introduction of some of the past league mechanic added to core game.

6. Complete Encounters II

Easy. An introduction of some of the past league mechanic added to core game.

7. Use Essences

Essence are very useful to upgrade gear especially at early game, can change item rarity from normal rarity into rare with a guarantee mod. This table will help you understand more about essence tiers.
Easy. They actually make this essence challenge even easier compare to old times(Betrayal League: you need to get tier6 essence), which now you only need using essence on all part of your equipment to complete this challenge which doesn't require much RNG anymore.

8. Defeat these Act Bosses II

Easy. You'll encounter them as you progressing your journey/quest, these are the second-half of the act bosses, if can't kill just get a party to help.

9. Defeat Delirium Monsters

Easy. Delirium monster rarity will start increasing as you venture further away from the start of the delirium encounter, the further you go away from the delirium's mirror the more harder delirium monster you'll encounter.

10. Defeat the Conquerors of the Atlas

Normal. These are the new end game bosses since 3.9.0 update, if you build can't really kill them then just ask for experience player to help you kill them off when u got the map to spawn them.

11. Complete Vendor Recipes

Very Easy. A good introduction of vendor recipe to newbies, the best way to get rich easily in PoE. Also for experience player you can skip some of these easily buy using Gilded Fossil crafting.

12. Craft items using Currency

Very Easy. They make the currency challenge becoming more interesting, from using quality currency only(old) to now using currency that change item's modifiers ... kinda force player to learn the crafting mechanics =P

13. Turn in Divination Cards

Type Best Choice
Scarab Cameria's Cut
Shaper or Elder Item The Lord of Celebration
Six-Linked item The Porcupine, Humility
Stack of Currency Emperor's Luck
Two-Implicit Unique Item Arrogance of the Vaal, Echoes of Love
Unique Map The Encroaching Darkness
Normal. Old player might remember how hideous this challenge is in the old days, not exactly the same but pretty much they improve it BETTER! Nice work GGG!! Also note that this challenge require card that reward SPECIFIC reward type as requested, so those wild reward like The Void won't work on this challenge.

14. Complete Encounters III

Normal. These challenges makes the boss a bit tricky to do, can be done in low tier map so should be no problem. Click the link on their name to learn their fight mechanic.

15. Complete Delirium Encounters II

Normal. Is an introduction of using the new currency from the league mechanic.

16. Use Betrayal Benches

Normal. Betrayal is the least RNG-gated mechanic if comparing to other league mechanic, because of you can control the syndicate position for their rewards. Here's a cheat sheet regarding syndicate rewards.

17. Complete Twinned Maps

Not all maps can have "twinned" modifier, for example Kitava or Innocence boss.
Normal. Surprisingly they change from require specific map to have twinned challenge, to more broad choices ... interesting change GGG, nonetheless some map boss are more tricky to do when two of them in a small room, you can try roll a magic rarity of the map with "Twin" mod so make the fight easier. If still can't, just ask someone else to help kill when u got them.

18. Complete Delirium Encounters III

Easy. None of them are so hard to find, just keep doing the delirium encounter as you farming you gonna complete these monster check list eventually.

19. Complete Unidentified Maps

Going an unidentified rare map is kinda risky but high reward, do ounce per tier. You can obtain unidentified rare map by doing the map vendor recipe which also effect the rarity too, etc: vendor 3 same rare map you'll get +1 tier rare map OR corrupting rare map have a chance turning into unidentified(safer since you know the mods before hand). If your build can't deal most of the map mod then just party up with other people OR invite experienced players to help your Blind Map.
Normal. Surprisingly they make this challenge easier from doing all(16) last few leagues, to only 10 this league .. well thanks GGG! =D

20. Achieve Ascension

PoELAB is a good resource to check whether today is a short/safe layout to be run or not. Also try install LabCompass for more convenient, is a MUST tools for labyrinth camper! Here's are the locations for each trial to obtain before able to enter certain difficulty labyrinth:
OVERALL: Easy. Labyrinth will get easier when you practice more, if your build can't do it, just pay someone to bring you to do it ;)

21. Experiment with Cluster Jewels

Easy. All the new type of cluster jewel are cheap to get, as long you can get access to the cluster jewel socket(outer ring jewel socket) then you can complete this challenge easily.

22. Complete Encounters IV

Normal, most of these are grind are available from Zana's map device modifier, so completing these challenge will be faster if using her map device.

23. Complete Metamorph Encounters

Normal. This challenge inform us how they integrated metamorph mechanic into the core game.

24. Obtain Rewards from Vaal Side Areas

Normal. This challenge inform us how they improve the vaal side area reward that spawn in end game map during this 3.10.0 expansion. 7 out of 9, should be less RNG-gated for this challenge. You can make use of Hidden Vaal Pathways prophecy to proc proc side area in end game maps too.

25. Obtain Rewards from Delirium Encounters

Normal. 19 out of 22, should feel less RNG-gated for this challenge. You also can farm delirium encounter in act zone to proc many different type of rewards.

26. Complete Encounters while in Mist

Normal. This challenges is trying to inform us that delirium mechanic is the very first league mechanic can integrate with other old league mechanic, for the greater reward and also with greater RISK.

27. Complete Delirium Encounters IV

Normal. This challenges is just wanted us to push the limit of using the delirium orb(5 times) on certain map codition, most dangerous would be eldeshaper guardian which delirium will cause the boss to have additional skill and also cause the boss arena ground cover will special ailment, making the whole fight a bit more tense .... thus require a decent build to do, if you're build can't do it then try invite other experience player to help with.

28. Explore the Atlas

Normal. This challenge inform us that they had made some changes on how to get the awakening bonus and also it's reward.

29. Reach Level 90

Normal. This .... require a decent build to do this, require within a month to reach this level. If bad build that die a lot then .... maybe then need around a month+

30. Complete Encounters V

Normal. These challenges makes the boss a bit tricky to do, and much harder because have to do them in high tier maps, try invite experience player if you're build aren't capable to do them. Click the link on their name to learn their fight mechanic.

31. Complete Simulacrum I

Hard. Simlacrum requires a really good build to beat it because of tremendous degen-damage deal from the mob and the delirium boss(11th wave), also the chance of IMPALE from monster ... I'll suggest to invite/join highly-capable player to finish the map for you.

32. Curious Corruption

Outcome Source
Corrupted Implicit Modifier Vaal Orb crafting on item
Two Corrupted Implicit Modifiers Temple of Atzoatl - Corrupting Room(-resistance), or Vaal Orb crafting on item that already have 2 implicit (etc: synthesis ring, gilded item)
Influenced Rare Item Temple of Atzoatl - Corrupting Room(-resistance)
Turn a Unique Item into a Rare Item Vaal Orb crafting on item
White Socket Vaal Orb crafting on item
6-linked Item Vaal Orb crafting on 2-hand weapon OR chestpiece
Additional Gem Level Vaal Orb crafting on gem
Additional Gem Quality Vaal Orb crafting on gem
Vaal Skill Gem Vaal Orb crafting on gem
8-modifiers on a Rare Map Vaal Orb crafting on map
Additional Map Tier Vaal Orb crafting on map
Unidentified Map Vaal Orb crafting on map
Vaal Temple Map Vaal Orb crafting on tier15 map
Unique Jewel Vaal Orb crafting on jewel
30% Quality Bestiary Crafting with Craicic Vassal beast
Normal. Pretty much an RNG challenge from doing corruption, but doing 12 out of 15 is actually sounds pretty fine just skip the temple atzoatl crafting option(2) then the rest of the others option should be pretty cheap and easy to get.

33. Complete Encounters VI

Normal. These challenge are pretty achievable ... just require a bit RNG to get find them.

34. Defeat Map Bosses(40/40)

Hard. This seems another big improvement from previous league map grind challenge(1,500 map bosses), tone down to 500 map bosses with a condition, have to kill them under the delirium effect. You can farm map that have multiple bosses such as Arena Map, or Courthouse Map and so on ... the best one will be Precinct map because of it contain 4~5 bosses as long they're in delirium effect, could try make use of DEADLY TWINS prophecy. Also try make use of Delirium Orb on map to have a permanent delirium effect until the boss room, so that you won't have to backtrack finding delirium-mirror encounter at start of the map then run till the end to the boss room ... Hopefully GGG will fix this soon, will update again if they make any QOL changes on this.

35. Complete Unique Maps

Normal. Do 15 out of 19, with the help of The Encroaching Darkness divination card, this challenge will be slightly easier to complete as you keep grinding end game maps collecting this cards. Even your RNG is sux collecting these card, you could buy some of the unique map at here, most of the unique map are quite cheap.
The least 4 favorite unique map I would skip is ... Hall Of Grandmaster(hard), Perandus Manor(very expensive), The Putrid Cloister(expensive), and Doryani's Machinarium(expensive) depending whose the 4th expensive map is =D

36. Complete the Epilogue Questline

Check out Grimro video on how to obtain watchstones
There's 3 phases on how to upgrade full your atlas:
Normal, this quest is all about killing Sirus, Awakener of Worlds which is when you collected 16 watchstones from conquerors of the atlas. Just invite experience player to help you kill Sirus if you're build aren't capable to do it after spawning the boss.

37. Complete Simulacrum II

Normal. Require a bit of grind on the league-exclusive-unique-map and also a GOOD build to do for the double delirium boss challenge ... Might need to invite a pro player to help you deal with that, the other 2 challenges is achievable with a descent build.

38. Complete Deadly Encounters(40/40)

Hard. Finding these bosses is not a problem in this challenges, the BIG problem is to defeat them .... might require a good build to do these challenges OR invite an experience player to help with after you found these bosses.

39. Leave to Chance(40/40)

All of it can be easily be done but except 4 of it; chancing any weapon, strongbox, map or jewel into unique. By picking 2 out of 4, I'll choose weapon and strongboxes, here's how:
Hard. Because of this challenge, orb of chance price is gonna be fluctuate for this league ... This challenge is very RNG-gated. If you manage to chance any of these 2 type into a unique rarity, then only you can proceed your journey to get the 40/40 golden trophy. Also if you're rich, you can buy the Trash to Treasure prophecy to skip this challenge easily, but expensive.

40. Complete Endgame Grinds(40/40)

Hard. GGG are pretty tame with the end game grinding number this league, I'm very surprise! In a good way :D ... Do 4 out of 6 of these choices, without a doubt I would skip that Level 100, that's ridiculous grind ... then maybe skip labyrinth by doing other content cuz I know many of yo really hate labyrinth ... I mean only 1% ppl can do labyrinth XD For those who willing to do lab then may wanna skip .... 750 simulacrum because of the big number, or maybe 500 delve encounters if you really prefer simulacrum if it's cheap or you love the content, 500 delve is actually more grindy compare the others options because of the sulphite grind. Well just skip the least content you like the most, overall these end game grind challenge is way more easier compare to previous league, great improvement GGG!
I will still be active updating this page from time to time whenever I got new INTEL untill the league ends ;) Hopefully you guys understand my poor english and also helped new comer try to get 40/40 challenges =D
Change-logs last update 6th June 2020. Hover here to view.
submitted by vironlawck to pathofexile [link] [comments]

bet tips english league 1 video

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bet tips english league 1

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